A moment: the battle rages in my mind....

Quint has been having a rough week. More tantrums than normal, a bit more defiant. He is generally very awesome, and helpful which is why this is a concern. BK and I were sitting on the couch last night, it had been a particularly rough day and I was so eager to hear BK's perspective. He tends to have a fresh look and he and Quint share some similarities so he helps me understand Quint better. As we sat there I recounted the days events, curious to know if he thought I took the right action. I shared how I feel it is such a battle. BK's response was "it is not a battle, you are the parent and you are going to always win".

Interesting....I thought to myself....I suppose that should be true.

I immediately flash back to my experiences of the day. Instantly, I am in the moment when Quint was raging and manipulating to get what he wanted. I remembered I didn't feel as though I was winning. The situation is compounded by the fact Quint has a strong will, he is focused and determined. I know these are awesome traits and I have often found myself jealous of the more steadfast and determined people in my life, but they are not traits I share. For example, in most situations, after a few minutes I am ready to move on, if it is not working I think of another way. I work hard to avoid conflict, and a good argument could easily sway me; except for maybe a few things I staunchly believe. Often times, as Quint rages, I desire a take back, I don' t care this much to fight over this....or his argument seems strong so maybe he is right....ahhh.

BK is probably right, it is not a battle with Quint. But, the battle definitely rages in my mind. I hear two different sides.....

On one shoulder I remind myself....

If you give in he will just do it more....

You have to keep your word.....

You are the boss, you make the rules....

but on the other shoulder I hear....

its ok to give in this once....

maybe you should not have picked this battle...

is it really worth all this drama?....

I know this situation is not unique. It is as old as parenting. Yet, I still don't know the right answer. Maybe that is the answer. It is inevitable, as parents we will fail occasionally. Unfortunately I despise failure and I don't cope well with it, so I work to avoid it at all costs. I have chosen to face failure head on in this situation. I am committed to striving for consistent, fair, discipline because I truly think it is a form of love for a child. Recently, I realized mommyhood has stretched me more than any other task I have undertaken in my life. It requires selflessness, wisdom, patience, gentleness, creativity, time management, and much more. All are things I would say I was not gifted in when I began this journey.

Throughout the day I am humbled by my inability to do it on my own.

So I pray....

for wisdom, patience, gentleness, creativity, time management, a heart after God, love, and much more.

But, when it feels like the craziness exceeds my limits...I pray for peace.